Porthole’s Monday Mantra
Let’s Pretend … Let’s Pretend … Let’s Pretend …
The World Is My Oyster!
Flights of fancy are fine, and trains of thought will get you there eventually … but what can beat a cruise around the world?
I’m going on a World Cruise!
Actually, I’m not, but I wanted to see how it felt to write those words.
Like skydiving, running a marathon, or traveling into space, a World Cruise is one of those things that I know I can conceivably do but, realistically, know I probably never will.
So, let’s pretend!
First, which cruise shall it be?
Next year, world itineraries range from 102 days aboard Crystal Cruises to a staggering 180 days aboard Oceania Cruises. And that’s obstacle number one. While I do know that my company will grant a leave of absence under special circumstances, I’m doubtful that a World Cruise is among them. Maternity leave would get me three months off the job but unless I want to scam everyone, walk around with a basketball up my shirt for a while, and then rent a baby for Bring Your Child to Work Day, I seriously doubt I could pull it off. And how would I explain the tan?
Cost is another obstacle. Costa Cruises’ full 108-day sailing and Holland America Line’s 115-day Grand World Voyage are bargains, starting around $16,000! But my question is whether I want to spend my glorious, once-in-a-lifetime World Cruise in the confines of an inside cabin, which I’m sure is what that $16,000 would get me.
Screw it — If I’m dreaming, I’m getting a suite and I’m going for an all-inclusive like Silversea or Crystal so I don’t end up with a bar tab that exceeds the cost of passage. If I’m in places like Papeete and Singapore and Shanghai and Sydney, I’m drinking fancy drinks and not unsweetened iced tea.
So how does one pack for a World Cruise? Those overpriced mini-versions of essentials like deodorant and shampoo are out and multiple family-size tubes of Crest and a gallon of Pantene is in. Wardrobe? I’m not concerned as much with the garments as their size. Months and months aboard ship eating three full meals a day and desserts, to say nothing of the booze and meals in exotic ports, demand verrrrrrry elastic waistlines and lots and lots of blousy things. Better go shopping.
Finally, I have to decide who will accompany me on my World Cruise because even if I’m only fantasizing, there’s no way I’m forking over a single supplement for such a pricy journey. Aside from George Clooney, I’m not even sure I could tolerate anyone in close quarters for that long a time. Plus, modern woman or not, I don’t think Amal would approve.
So, yeah, there are a few obstacles to overcome before I set off on my multi-month voyage around the globe and, until I do, I guess I’ll have to be content with more modest sailings.
But, maybe, someday. …
— Judi Cuervo
Photo: Holland America Line
What’s on your world cruise wish list? Let us know in the comments below!